Yeah, but not no, Fark Tayshawn

Yeah, I'm a coward...I don't have confidence in me.
No, people around don't know how much it hurts feeling this way.
Yeah, I'm the one taking all these shit on me.
No I won't describe how I feel, how I fell, because it's just plain stupidity.
Yeah, I find myself stuck in this mess.
No, I cant do what I want, I'm stressed out. I'm losing my mind.
Yeah, I wish I could just scream my lungs out.
No, that's not what I can do.
Yeah, it's just something between me and me, no one else.
No, I wish I could've tell you right on.
Yeah, that's what I wished I can do.
No, because it's selfish.
Yeah, so fark yourself Tayshawn.
No, it's not funny, I'm hurt.
Yeah, it's stupid that I stepped in, wishing it may work.
No, it's just beyond my control.
Because I cant do what I said...

Yeah, felt so wanted to say this to your face, the one in the mirror, fark you. You're so damn pathetic. I'm burning a hole in me, specifically my......
I'm so so so over with this hunger....I don't find the need to fill it anymore.
I just wished that I could cover myself with pillow and cry all alone, whole day... awfully shitted bad ass life I have. Hold on is what people said, but what's worth holding onto? I cant find the key to whatsoever it is, I'm pissed......with my own attitude.

What happened?

Like every character, there's always Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in oneself. Everyone is trying to be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is always the one who reign over and takes control.
I'm really scared, what if I cant be the guy I want to be? An Ideal guy? LOL!
I'm scared that I might just be one screwed up dude....is that some kind of phobia?
How does one define an ideal guy? Nice nice nice nice?
Duh....it's all in the eyes of others. One should never define how good he is... Nah...screw this, I don't seem to get any better, though I really wish to turn over a new leaf.....but, both sides doesn't seems convincing, it's so shitty... It's just like Mr.Hyde and Mr.Hyde, no Dr. Jekyll.
Oh god, help me. Father, into your hand I commend my spirit...
I'm getting better, yeah, I admit, I changed a lot, thanks to those who cares....but why am I giving up myself? When there's people who care, isn't it worth the while when you're living?
Why do I always think of suicidal as if it's always the best way to solve problems in life? No I'm not solving it, I'm just running away from it....why cant I face it?
Grrr...any answers? Help? ... ... ... ... ... ... the person you called, is unavailable, please try again later..... THis is what I get when I had the mood to talk about it. Second call? No....
Leaving me myself alone again.....=(

Etceteranough?

Looking back to what I had, how much I had lost. I've got a knack for messed up history, what was that? Are you coming down for me? Wait, why are you turning back? Oh I see, an angel turned away from me....whispering: "See that dude down there? He's helpless."
Fact, I have a lot of things running in my mind, exams and everything is running up and down like a high-way built in my mind, congesting each and every possible way. I'm so lost, where the hell am I? Honestly, I'm not emo, so don't say that, it's just that things happened, I don't know how to react to it, what action should I take next? Okay, crap, I don't have manuals on how to live my life the way I want it to be. Just barely scratch through this and that....oh...I'm still alive! What's the point? Is all these enough? Exams, yeah, I can study through it, but test on life? What the hell should I do to react to all these situation? For god sake, I'm just a normal human without any special abilities...why does my life seems like the worst if I were to compare with people around me? Yeah, be contented with what you have, but wait, what I have? I cant even list out the things that make out the most of my life. LOL! So what does this mean? Am I just not living my life to the fullest? Or is it just a simple fact that I don't know what I want in my life? I cant get what I'm yearning for? Time is putting me into a test, I know of all the weaknesses, I just simply don't have what people call patience... Slow and steady wins the race, fark the race, I'm getting out, I quit! Bullshit...

Screw ya..

Why the hell am I always the one who gives a fark about each and every shit and of all the farked up things, mine just seems like the worst of it. No one gives a fark about it, why would you farkin care? Tayshawn?

I stole this post because it's true

How do you explain to someone you think you love them just not enough?

Yeah, you don't. You say you’re sorry, instead. You hope that makes up for something, and you hope you two are strong enough to survive. But deep down, you know better. You know that once something’s broken, it doesn’t matter how much you try to fix it, how much you want to fix it, you can’t. Nothing is forever, and nothing changes. Either you live with what you’ve got, or you chase shadows.

So don't break the heart of your loved ones. Love them all you can...

Stucked Lyrics

Not knowing how to think

I scream aloud, begin to sink

My legs and arms are broken down

With envy for the solid ground

I'm reaching for the life within me

How can one man stop his ending

I thought of just your face

Relaxed, and floated into space.

Things and people I miss in PJ

He...

He was there, all alone lying on the chilly bed, thinking and trying to synchronize with things that happened recently, things that seems too good to be real. He's trying to get some sleep, yet he cant because reality is better than dreams this time. He's smiling deep in his heart, it's been so long that he's feeling alive again.

However, something struck his mind and bring all these to a halt, a sense of insecurity stomp into his world of imagination, he's helpless to feel this way. Maybe he's just that useless...beating himself to wake up from dreams even though he's awake. A silent cry from the heart was heard, he ignored it. He knows he wants to make it happen but there's just a gatekeeper between his instinct and himself. The past that haunts him...

But happiness is what he promised, indeed, it's what he will do.

Sometimes he wonders if he's wrong, to feel this way...but he knows all he cares is just this, nothing else...

It's not wrong, not anymore, not this time...but I'm scared, really I do... I don't wish to hurt you in any way. Just want to take care of you...

Random

Here I wonder, what's behind those eyes of yours. What makes those mesmerizing eyes frown?